Choosing an Officiant

While there are many aspects that can help make a wedding  perfect--from the ideal location to a stunning wedding gown  or lavish reception --it is often the officiant  who can make or break the event, as he or she not only makes the marriage  legal, but also helps to set the tone for the entire day.  If you want to have the special day you always dreamed of, putting careful consideration into who presides over the wedding ceremony is always a good start.  Whether religious or secular, the officiant should share your belief system and work collaboratively with you regarding the readings and vows.

Going Secular

If you and your future spouse hold different religious views, or if religion doesn't play a role in your daily lives, then choosing a secular officiant may be the perfect option for you.  In selecting a secular officiant, it is important to interview several candidates to get a feel of their personalities, as well as their previous experience.  You may also ask your prospective officiants to offer suggestions on the ceremony speech and vows to help you determine who would be best suited for the job.

Secular officiants are often

• Justices of the Peace - Look in the phone book, get a referral from a friend, or contact your local county clerk to find them.
• Found at City Hall - Make an appointment at your local city hall if you're looking for a short, simple ceremony.
• Mayors and Governors - Maybe you think they've done a really bang up job running your city or state, so why not let them take a swing at your wedding?
• Friends or Relatives - The internet is a wonderful thing. Through the Universal Life Church website, nearly anyone can get ordained to perform a wedding. You may also check in with your state officials to see if a pal can get a one day designation of Deputy Commissioner of Marriages.

Going Religious

This choice can be bit easier if you have already decided your venue will be a place of worship, as you just search from within their available staff to pick the rabbi/minister/priest whom you feel most comfortable working with.  If you already have a family clergyperson, then the task is even easier.  But no matter what the circumstance, comfort level is often the most important factor.  If you feel that your religious officiant may not be supportive of your pending marriage for any reason, it's crucial to reconsider their inclusion in the wedding ceremony, even if they are familiar to the family.

And if you want a religious ceremony, but are unsure of which denomination would be best to perform it, sit in on various services to determine which faiths best match your existing personal beliefs.  Once you've found the right person, ask their particular place of worship what the rules are on performing religious ceremonies in secular places and inquire about available dates.

Questions to Ask the Officiant

Secular The Ceremony What training do you have? How many ceremonies have you performed? Is this your full-time job? If not, what else do you do? Do we have final say over the script? When will you arrive before the ceremony? Do you have suggestions for readings and/or vows? Can you write your own vows? Can you incorporate religious elements into the ceremony? The Fees Does the fee include a full rehearsal? Does the fee include your travel costs and/or other accommodations? Time and Place Are you available for the wedding and the rehearsal? What time will you arrive before the ceremony? Do you have a preferred or suggested location? Are you going to be performing ceremonies before mine? If so, can I observe? Can you travel to my desired location? Finishing Touches What do you normally wear for a ceremony? Can I require a certain mode of dress? Would you like to attend the reception? What documentation do I need the day of the wedding?

Religious The Ceremony How much are we allowed to customize the ceremony? Can we write our own vows? Can we choose what religious elements to include and exclude? Will you prepare a sermon and readings or can we have a say in the selection process? Will you marry us even if we are not current members of your house of worship? If not, how do we become members? Is there a dress code for our guests? If we are of different faiths, or one of us is not religious, is that a problem? If one of us is divorced, is that a problem? Are there regulations regarding music, decorations or the presence of photographers/videographers? Will our non-religious friends be allowed to participate in the ceremony, including giving readings and singing? Fees Do you ask for a donation or require a fee? Are there any extra fees besides those for the basic service? Time and Place Are you available for the wedding and the rehearsal? Are there any days that we are not allowed to be wed (for holy reasons)? Can the wedding take place outside of the house of worship? Finishing Touches Can you help keep the peace between families during the ceremony? Would you like to attend the reception? Is there a pre-marital counselling requirement? What documentation do I need the day of the wedding?

Other Tips

Whether religious or secular, some things are always important to consider when choosing your officiant.

• Ask for referrals from family or friends.
• Interview more than one candidate to make sure you choose the officiant that will be most amenable to your needs.
• Discuss having a back-up officiant in case your original choice falls ill or is rendered unable to travel.
• Ask for references from you officiant, and follow up on them.
• Discuss what information you need to bring to your initial meeting so you don't arrive unprepared.

Related Guides

Writing Your Wedding Vows	Choosing Your Wedding Location	Choosing a Wedding Date

External Links

• EHow.com: Article database with several entries geared toward wedding advice.
• IDoToday.com: Offers tips for all aspects of the ceremony, including the licence, the officiant, the vows and even pre-marital counselling.
• About.com: Helps readers choose between a secular or religious officiant.
• InterfaithOfficiants.com: Gives a long list of pertinent questions to ask prospective officiants.